Son of a Bich

A man came into my office last week to get a quote for insurance. He handed me his current policy, & I told him I would quote it while he waited. I went to my desk & began to put the information into my rating system. Suddenly, my eyes were riveted to the name of the man's wife "BICH!" Nervously, I wondered if it could be a typo or if her name really is BICH? How, I wondered, do I ask? Assuming the pronunciation of bich would be the same as rich with a "B," I speculated about asking the birthdate & social security number for what seemed to be "bitch." Tactfully, I asked the man if his wife's name was spelled "B-I-C-H." He assured me that it was. Then, I proceeded to ask for "his wife's" information without using her name. He never did say her name, nor did I, but I still wonder if she really is referred to as "Bitch." I can only imagine the scenarios that would result from this name . . . "I need to get home now or "Bitch" will be furious" or "I would like you to meet my wife, "Bitch" or their son, who could actually be a "son of a bitch!"

Phone Rage

I work in an insurance office with two other agents. We all answer the phone, and at least 25% of our calls are stupid!

Our number is similar to a local car dealership, Urse Dodge, & we get a number of calls for them. However, it's odd that by answering the phone "Smith-Carpenter Agency," one would think it would be clue that they have the wrong number.

Me: "Smith-Carpenter Agency"
Caller: "Is this Urse Dodge?"
Me: "No, it's Smith-Carpenter Agency."
Caller: "Is this 366-9200?"
Me: "No, this is 363-9200."
Caller: "I'm calling Urse Dodge." (Duh!)

Me: "Smith-Carpenter Agency"
Caller: "Service Department, please."
Me: "Did you mean to call Urse Dodge?"

Me: "Smith-Carpenter Agency"
Caller: "Is my car ready?"

Me: "Smith-Carpenter Agency"
Caller: "Could I speak to someone in parts?"

The ever popular conversation starters from callers who do not identify themselves:

Me: "Smith-Carpenter Agency"
Caller: "You called me."
Me: "May I have your name?"
Caller: "John Watson"
Me: "I'm afraid I did not call you today, Mr. Watson. Did you receive a message to call me?"
Caller: "No, your number was on my caller ID."

Me: "Smith-Carpenter Agency"
Caller: "You sent me some papers.
Me: "May I have your name?"
Caller: "Marlene Jackson"

Me: "Smith-Carpenter Agency"
Caller: "How much is my bill?"
Me: "May I have your name?"

Me: "Smith-Carpenter Agency"
Caller: "How much would it cost to add a 2003 Honda to my policy?"
Me: "May I have your name . . .

What's in a name:
Me: "Smith-Carpenter Agency"
Caller: "Could I speak with Mary?
Me: "No one with that name works in this office."
Caller: "Is there a Cathy?"
Me: "No, we don't have a Cathy either."
Caller: "Nancy?"
Me: "Yes, we do have a Nancy."
Caller: "Ok. I'll talk to her."

And those who are seeking information of any kind:
"Could you tell me the name of the store next door?"
"Could you tell me the number of the store next door?"
"Could you give me the number for State Farm (a competitor)?"
"How much does it cost to license a vehicle?"
"Do you have the number for Urse Dodge?"

And so it goes . . . .

Who Knew?

I have never believed I was sexist. In fact I had always believed I had no gender bias at all. Until recently, that is.

Several days ago my daughter-in-law, Renea, called me with some suggestions for my three year old grandson, Owen, for Christmas. Most were the typical things I know he likes . . . books, trains, racecars. However she did mention he would like a "Dora the Explorer" kitchen. "It's rather pink," Renea said.

Well, I have no problem with a boy playing with a kitchen, (if fact, there's nothing much better than a guy who can cook!) but when I checked out this particular kitchen set, it was definitely "girly." I couldn't bring myself to buy something so feminine for Owen. I did an exhaustive search on the internet to see if I could find something in red, blue, yellow, or anything non-pink. I did find a couple, but they were extremely expensive. I decided that Owen didn't really need a kitchen, and even convinced myself that my son & daughter-in-law didn't have the space for such a large item.

Well today I came upon a kitchen set while walking through Target. It is red & blue & even has a photo of both a boy & a girl playing on the box. It is more expensive than the Dora one, but it's not embarrassingly girly. I bought it and have to admit I would rather pay a higher price than to get the pink one. So I guess I am sexist after all.

That's Entertainment--Part II

How do you spend the day after Thanksgiving . . . relaxing, watching football, eating leftovers? Well, in my house my son, Trent, who has spent the past several months moving, dismantling, & assembling furniture for his brother and sister-in-law, and I spent most of the day on my new entertainment center. Yes, the one I primed and painted several weeks before.

I had brought all the pieces to the entertainment center into the house after thoroughly drying them in the garage. When I was having weekend company I stacked the pieces up against the wall to get them out of the way. On the Friday after Thanksgiving Trent & I were ready to assemble it. When I went to hand him the support boards, they stuck to each other causing a big chuck of paint to come off one of the boards. With my usual impatience I pulled a large strip of paint off and told my son that I was done with the eggplant paint . . . we would just pull off the paint and take the entertainment center back to silver. He had no choice but to agree (I was already peeling!) and began to help me remove the paint. It all went pretty well until we came to the two base pieces and the paint would not come off. We were attempting to scrape it with our fingernails to no avail. Trent suggested a razor scraper, so I made a quick trip to Big Lots to purchase one. After several hours, we had FINALLY removed the paint, but not without putting a few scratches and scrapes on the pieces. Another hour and the easy-to-assemble center was good to go. Although it actually looks pretty good, I do lament the waste of time and energy that went into the project!

Take a Bite

Biting off more than I can chew . . . .

This week I purchased an entertainment center for my new tv. The one I wanted cost $275 so I kept looking. I finally found one that was perfect for $99 except that it was painted a garish silver. No problem, I thought. I'll just paint it.

It took two guys at Rex plus a dolly to load it into my car. "Are you sure I'll be able to get it out by myself?" I asked. "Oh, it will be a piece of cake," they responded. They also told me it was very easy to assemble.

Yesterday I purchased paint & thought I would quickly paint the wood before assembling; then put it together later in the day. When I got home from buying the paint, I attempted to get the entertainment unit out of my car . . . the box would not budge as it was wedged into my backseat. Eventually I was able to pry open the box & get the pieces out one by one. I spread a drop cloth on my deck & carried all the pieces outside. Suddenly the beautiful sunny day became very dark & windy. Undaunted, I opened the paint & proceeded to paint a piece of wood only to discover that it would not adhere. Perservering, I remembered that I had a can of primer left over from painting my hearth & mantle. I located the primer & began to prime all the wood. After applying several coats of primer, the rains came.

I backed my car out of the garage & spread out another drop cloth on the garage floor. Then I moved the pieces to the garage to finish the priming. Every couple of hours I would go the the garage to apply another coat as most of the pieces needed to be primed front & back, & each side needed at least two & sometimes three coats of primer. As of this morning I have yet to finish the priming & am beginning to wonder exactly how many days this project might take. Hopefully when the painting is finished, it will be as easy to assemble as the salesmen said it would be, but from the looks of all the pieces & bags of screws, I doubt it!

Reality bites . . . .

Oddly enough my sons encouraged me to play in their fantasy football league. I was uncertain since I had never played before, but they convinced me that I could do it.

After the first two weeks, I was sitting pretty atop the league undefeated. At that point I would say "I know my football," but I'm sure my sons were thinking "dumb luck." Since that time I have lost every game even though I have scored a lot of points each week. This week I dumped my so-called premier receiver, Randy Moss, since he had done absolutely nothing so far this season with the hapless Raiders. Unfortunately for me I happened to mention this to my son, Adam, who quickly snatched him up. Yesterday, the Raiders won & Randy had a great day. My fantasy is quickly becoming a nightmare!

Tea for Two

Ever since I blogged about our smooth little system of daily drive-thru iced teas plus free refills later, I have had nothing but trouble getting the tea.

First, Nancy announced that she no longer liked sweetener & now wanted sweetened tea. I drove up to the BK drive-thru . . . voice: "Can I have your order? me: "One medium unsweetened iced & one sweetened iced tea." voice: "That will be $2.42 at the next window." me: "I said MEDIUM teas." voice: "That's what I'm charging you for." me: "Has the price gone up since yesterday?" voice: "No. Drive thru please." So I discovered that Nancy's medium tea with sugar cost an extra 11 cents. So when I went to refill later, I of course got the two cups mixed up & had to pitch them & order new drinks. Then when I got back to the office, I got them mixed up again & put my sweetener in Nancy's already sweetened tea making it disgustingly sweet.

Undaunted, however, I went the following day to the BK drive thru & was told they were unable to make tea due to a broken part on the machine. I then was trapped in the drive-thru while those ahead of me reeived their orders. I proceeded to McDonalds next to get tea. me: "One medium sweetened tea & I medium unsweetened tea please." voice: "We don't sell sweetened tea. It doesn't make sense to sell sweetened tea when we have sugar." me: "Two medium unsweetened teas, please, plus sugar packets." Okay, so I get the teas & can immediately tell it's not going to be good since there is virtually no ice in either one of them. Additionally, I discovered Nancy doesn't like to put sugar into unsweetened tea since she thinks it does not disolve well. Not to mention all this took me at least 20 minutes . . . I think it's time to switch to coffee.

Fill Er Up

My friend Nancy & I get a daily iced tea from the Burger King drive-thru for $1.15 each. Later in the day one of us returns to Burger King to refill our cups. We have been questioned about getting our free refills hours later; however, we feel that since we pay the same price in the drive-thru as we would if we ate inside, we are entitled to a refill. If restaurants don't want drive-thru customers to participate in the free refill policy, then the price for a drive-thru drink should be less than one purchased inside.

I have been a perpetual loser at gauging whether gas prices will go up or down. When gas prices are exceedingly high, I will get a partial tank of gas hoping to fill up later when the price comes down. Unfortunately for me, the price inevitably then gets higher. Conversely, when the prices are relatively low, I will fill my car to the gills only to find the price will drop another 5 cents on the gallon the next day.

Owenisms . . . out of the mouth my three year old grandson who was my houseguest for the weekend:

"Nina, you smell really good." "Do I, Owen?" "Yes, you smell just like Rachel Ray!"

When he found a stray piece of mushroom on his piece of pizza, he exclaimed, "That's just disgusting!"

Upon discovering that his great grandparents (ages 86 & 84) had a golf cart at their house, he asked "Do Timer & Jack wear helmets when the ride on their golf cart?"

After attending our church Sunday, he was meeting & greeting outside & felt the need to introduce not himself, but his uncle. He told people, "Hi. This is Uncle Adam."

Living in a fantasy world

Last weekend I make my first foray into the realm of fantasy football. I had really never intended to get involved with this since it just seemed way too complicated. Also, I have my hands full with my college & pro football pools. However, at the urging of my sons, I became a player or should I say team. Of course I have now set myself up for abuse as everything from my team name (Dirty Dancing) to my selections (ok, so I didn't know Deion Branch was holding out) is being mocked by the family. The draft was fun though, & I'm still picking my way through the rules. I did dump Deion for a personal fav of mine, Jerry Porter. Now I guess I will just have to wait & see how it goes. Apparently I can trade & pick starters every week. Yes, it is as complicated as I imagined, but a new experience can also be challenging. Unfortunately, my competitive nature has kicked in, &, of course, I now want to WIN!!! Speaking of competitive, Kelly, my daughter-in-law who usually could care less about football, calls during the Steeler/Miami game last night all excited about the points she is accumulating during the game. I believe she is in it to win it as well. At best it will be fun & exciting . . . at worst I have given my sons another venue for laughs at my expense. Only time will tell.

Quick Hits

How did Maurice Clarett & Marcus Vick become such egomaniacs that they feel they can continuously break the law without consequences? It's bad enough that some professional athletes have adopted this behavior, but at least they've "made it," & we have some idea why they think they're so great that they're above the law.

My new ATM machine gives you an option of two languages. Not so unusual, as we often must choose between English & Spanish; however, my options are now ENGLISH or FRENCH! I know not a single person in Fairmont, WV, for whom French is their language of origin.

Is there any better way to start the day than by receiving a smile from three month old Drew?

I wonder why it was necessary for Lance Bass to "announce" that he is gay? (To no one's surprise, I might add.)

Just when I think my television viewing couldn't get much worse, I discover a show called "Bridzillas!" Need I say more . . .

Who knew my sons' new hobby, a podcast, would become so popular? The Brothers in 3-Z is now nominated for a national people's choice award. It certainly is fun seeing them get all of this attention! I have done my part encouraging friends & family to vote as well as voting myself.

Where has the summer gone? We had no summer weather in June, July became a scorcher, & now we are one week into August. My favorite season has just flown by!

Mindless

Summer tv viewing can usually not be more boring. I seldom have the tv on in the summer preferring to spend my evenings & weekends doing something outside at least until dark. This summer, however, I have been riveted by some real reality tv. First we have the infamous Britney Spears interview with Matt Lauer. Where do I start with this? She looked like white trash. I know she's pregnant, but she's also fat in places that have nothing to do with pregnancy & chose to show as much chubby skin as possible. In addition, most of her remarks were inane & certainly did nothing to enhance her image. Secondly, the feud between Barbara Walters & Star Jones has made must-see tv for me. It's hard to predict what either will say or do next! I found myself watching Star for an entire hour on "Larry King Live." You just can't conjure up more drama than has unfolded with the two of them.

My son & daughter-in-law (Adam & Kelly) introduced me to two shows on MTV that I have found hilarious . . . "My Sweet Sixteen" & "Tiara Girls." These shows follow the ultra spoiled teens & their parents as they either prepare for a 16th birthday party (that usually costs more that an elegant wedding reception) or the pageant circuit (no amount of money is too much when attempting to win a beauty contest). I did hear Anderson Cooper say (seriously) that these two shows were his favorites. In addition I will add two MTV shows that I have found on my own . . . "Parental Consent" & "Next." I won't try to explain these shows but will only say they are also so ridiculous, they are addictive.

Needless to say, a little mindless tv viewing never hurt anybody. Bring on "Making the Band!"

Pay attention

During a recent trip to the beach with my friends two of us decided to purchase some flip flops. One night on our way to dinner we went into a store that specialized in beach shoes. We perused the flip flops & found that they were $25. After a lengthy deliberation on whether to spend that much as well as trying on numerous pairs, both my friend, Penny, & I each decided on a pair to buy. We were laughing & talking as I handed my credit card to the clerk. Obviously I was not paying much attention because as we were leaving the store, I noticed that my flip flops were $42! I checked with Penny, & hers were $42 also. I then asked the clerk who told me MOST of the flip flops were $25, however, we had each selected a pair that was $40 plus tax. So now I am wearing my flip flops everywhere--even to work occasionally! They are now more expensive than the fancy heels I bought on sale for my son's wedding last year.

Before going on vacation I returned a movie "Antz" that I had rented for Owen. This morning I found that movie in my family room. I wondered what I could possibly have returned to the video store in its place. After work I walked into the store & straight to the movie. Upon opening it I found Owen's "Neighborhood Animals" video that I keep for him at my house. He absolutely loves that video & would have been distraught if I had lost it. I can only imagine how much time we would have spent turning the house upside down trying to find it!

Momma in 3Z

It seems that every time I have a little faux pas, my sons seem to quickly to share this with one another. Often I find myself being an unwitting source of entertainment for the three of them. Nothing escapes their scrutiny; nothing goes unnoticed. I don't know if it's a generational thing or a mom thing, but they seem to think I'm a simpleton much of the time. At times I think they may set me up to look stupid. Well, I'm now finding an occasional reference to something dumb I have said or done in the 3Z podcasts. Unfortunately, I will probably be unable to go through life without making some glaring errors--At least I may be able to maintain my sense of humor if not my dignity!

Happy Father's Day

Happy Father's Day to my dad . . . one of the world's greatest! And what makes him a great dad? Well, I believe his unconditional love & respect for my mother set the tone for the family. They spent a lot of years successfully tag-teaming the comings & goings of four children. He has raised us to have a faith in God that sustains us during difficult times. He has inspired us to have a moral compass & to be caring & giving through the way he lives his life. He has always been my hero--the man who could fix any problem, heal any wound. He is both strong & tender. On some level I am still daddy's little girl.

Falling in love with Drew

I have loved him from the beginning when he was just a blip on a sonogram. With each passing month of Kelly's pregnancy, he became more & more real. Seeing him in person, however, was absolutely incredible! To me he looks a great deal like Adam, but I'm sure Kelly's parents see a great resemblence to the Maiden family as well. Suffice it to say he is a nice combination of both parents right now. With each passing day I am more enthralled by him. Nothing much compares to holding a new little one. I have fallen in love with this adorable baby boy . . . & this love grows stronger every day.

He came . . . He saw . . . He conquered

Owen arrived Sunday morning . . . a two year old bundle of energy. He stayed with me until Wednesday. I love his visits & (no offense to his parents) really enjoy having him all to myself for a few days.

His imagination runs wild as his bike becomes a race car careening down the grassy slope in my backyard. My plant spritzer becomes a car wash; my yardstick when leaning against the sofa becomes a great car ramp. While swimming in my pool, he pretended it was a fish tank, & we were fish. Yes, I have two boxes full of toys for him, but most often he prefers to create his own scenario. Watching & participating in his make-believe world is always a fascinating experience.

Although I won't tolerate bad behavior, I will admit to spoiling this little charmer by doing some special activities & buying a new book or toy. The best thing though is spending time with him & being a part of his world. Although it's very flattering for him to say, "I love you, Nina," with no prompting, I have also heard him say the same thing to Trevor the cat!

Owen is a very talkative little guy . . . no surprise here . . . perhaps a genetic link. I took him out for a gelatto (Italian ice cream) one night & explained that it was called "gelatto." Later I asked him "do you remember what we call the ice cream we had tonight?" His answer, "Delicious!"

Yes, he ran my life & my house for four days, & I loved every minute of it!

Full House

Over the weekend Ryan arrived with 2 1/2 year old Owen, & Adam & Kelly brought almost 4 week old Drew to meet the family. Adding to the household chaos were, of course, the three cats including Adam & Kelly's cat Sammy. It sometimes took the logistics of a field general to keep the cats away from Drew & his things & simultaneously keep Owen occupied & out of harm's way. But at the end of the day there's nothing like sleeping in a full house & spending time with these delightful little boys!

Humbling Experiences

Recently I purchased an electric weedeater & learned how to use it. I have been very proud that I can now both mow the lawn & do the trimming. Last night I stopped weedeating to chat with some neighbors who were outside. In addition there were two men from Mon Power working on a pole a few feet from me. When I resumed my trimming on a rather steep bank, I tripped & feel backwards on my rear in full view of the neighbors & the Mon Power men. I could sell tickets!

No matter what the scales tell me or what size I wear it is always depressing to try on swimsuits!

The day after my nephew Jay's graduation my mom was recalling that she has now seen six grandchildren graduate from high school & would have a grandchild graduating both next year & the year after. My niece Kerry who is five looked at her & said "you'll be in a nursing home by the time I graduate." Humorous, but humbling for my mom.

America Voted

I am admittedly a fan of American Idol. This week when America voted & Taylor Hicks was crowned the new idol, I believe America got it wrong. To me he seems a one trick pony. Katharine, on the other hand, seemed tailor-made for the title reminiscent of Kelly Clarkson & Carrie Underwood with both a great deal of talent, beauty, & poise. I also would have been fine with Chris winning; however, he was given the boot a couple of weeks earlier. He too is both talented & charismatic. I wouldn't be at all surprised if Katharine/Chris surpass Taylor & become the true stars emerging from the season. I think both these singers have more staying power than Taylor.

Of Cats & Kids

With the arrival of Adam & Kelly's cat in April, I installed some barriers to keep him (Sammy) from my relatively new family room furniture as well as the relatively new mattress & down comforter in my bedroom . . . baby gates have prohibited his entry into these areas. This past weekend I had the pleasure of keeping my 2 1/2 year old grandson, Owen, an irrepressible cat lover. Unfortunately Sammy has hissed at Owen in the past so I planned to keep them separated just to play it safe. I explained to Owen that Sam wasn't used to new people, & that he can must not try to pet him unless I was there with him. The cats eat upstairs and go down to the basement to their litter boxes. So I kept Owen gated in the family room when Sam was upstairs & put Sam in the basement when Owen was out of the gated area. When it was bedtime for Owen I promised him I would leave his door open, so I had to put all cats in the basement . . . any of them would love to hop up on the bed & wake him. Before I would go sleep in his room, I would let the cats up & shut the door close Owen & me in. I became quite proficient in the logistics of all of this. Owen, however, was still intensely curious about Sammy so I let him gradually cultivate Sammy's trust by giving him a treat or gently petting him. . . ultimately, they were getting along just fine. Who knew that both Owen & Sammy would understand the need to be gentle?

Welcome to the World, Drew Jacob Zundell!

My son, Adam, (Drew's dad) expressed surprise that I had not yet blogged about him. How do I express my joy of the birth of this precious little boy without sounding cliche? There are not enough superlatives to adequately describe holding this sweet baby in my arms or watching the totally loving expressions on his parents' faces as they held him. Yes, it was love at first sight! Baby Drew is amazing and just watching him sleep is mesmorizing. He is a miracle, an answered prayer, a reaffirmation of faith. Welcome to the world, Drew Jacob Zundell!