R.I.P

The Mountaineer offense passed away unexpectedly on Saturday, Dec. 1. Their demise was caused by an extended attack by at least eleven panthers that lasted approximately 3-4 hours. Repeated attempts to resuscitate the victim were unsuccessful. Survivors include the Mountaineer defense, a number of grief stricken coaches, and legions of fans. Coroner Richard Rodriquez stated that an autopsy will be performed but the results will not be known until Jan. 2. In a joint press release Ohio State & LSU extended their condolences and expressed their gratitude to the Mountaineer offense for their selflessness and generosity.